Goodbyes are not forever. Goodbyes are not the end. They simply mean I miss you.. Until we meet again.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I've become that annoying mom..

Another hospital stay, thank goodness this one was only 3 days long. Still no answers as to what is causing the fevers and she's still throwing up, but I think being home is better for us. The nurses don't do anything that I can't do at home. San Francisco Kaiser feels like a vacation spot compared to Oakland Kaiser, so I can't complain too much. During this stay I became the annoying mother that questions everything. Why are you going to try to put in an IV? You poked her 3 times already, your done. Thank you. What? You want more blood? Ha! I think not. I know it's best to let the doctors do what they think is best, and I probably took my frustration out on the doctors that had no idea why I was so upset, but I've had enough. Our last hospital stay involved various tests that had nothing to do with the fevers, numerous blood draws over and over again, and futile attempts to get an IV. We ended up going home with no answers, and they have yet to give us an answer. So when we walked into that ER yet again, I was adament about not letting them use my daughter as a push pin. She had another UTI, just as I had suspected. Go figure. Something isn't completely right, I know it, but I feel like I'm backed against a wall here. I need to be more aggressive, I should probably demand a second opinion, but I just don't know how to do it. Everyone has a suggestion, everyone thinks they know what is going on with Bella, they all think its easy. It's not. I'm dealing with work, school, and Bella's current issue. She has ongoing fevers that only occur during the very early morning and she's throwing up milk despite the fundoplacation surgery. I know I need to get things going and try to get answers, but getting the doctors is close to impossible. I'll figure it out, I've got to.
This week has been so hectic, work has been beyond stressful, I couldn't even take the time off to be at the hospital, and school.. well that had to be put on hold for this week at least. Bella's dad was a huge help. I don't think I give the guy enough credit sometimes, he made things so much better. He stayed with her while I was at work and gave me a chance to get some sleep. He's great with Bella, it makes my heart melt when I see them together. He adores her, just like she adores him; It's truely a beautiful sight. We have our differences, but I think we're doing a pretty good job so far with Bella. I pray that we will remain friends for Bella's sake, she needs parents that love her and don't lose sight of that, not parents that are at each other's throats all the time. We've had a rough first year, there's no other way to describe it, but I know that we both love Bella and that's all that matters. I love him for loving her with that same unconditional love that I have for her. Isabella is my world, just like she's his too. I'm not exactly sure what God has planned, but I trust him. We have an exceptionally wonderful little girl, and I know that our future holds something extrodinary.


  1. Praying you find answers and solutions soon little momma. I know how hard it is to have a sick baby. :( Stay strong and keep allowing others to help you - you shouldn't have to do this alone - I know I couldn't. Much love! - Joanna

  2. Maddie has had an ongoing battle with the UTI's lately as well...It is so frustrating, and I am feeling your pain! Sending love and prayers that things will get better soon...Hang in there!